


At Session's End

by Smok3dToyst



Series: Sparklings IDW Verse [2]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Death, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Psychology, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4328748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smok3dToyst/pseuds/Smok3dToyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rung finds out there's more then meets the eye to Kamikaze's actions on the Lost Light, which results in a new understanding of his relationship with another of the Crew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At Session's End

**Author's Note:**

> Artemis Prime is copyright CavalierConvoy.  
> Spinout and Kamikaze are my own creations for CavalierConvoy's Sparkling G1/IDW Alternate Universe.  
> This is one of a series of drabbles I'm writing to help flesh out my contributions to the universe.

Rung watched carefully as his patient gingerly but methodically assembled the star cruiser kit in front of him. Kamikaze was under observation after another of his sporadic episodes, having been brought in by Artemis. Red Alert and Ultra Magnus had already forwarded the video of the incident over before the car-former had been sent out. Kami had been calm until Red Alert had entered the room, causing him to flip over the table and stumble backwards. Then came a splash of fluid across Red's chest plate as Kamikaze continued to click the hydro-washers built into his forearms over and over again.

It still intriqued the psychologist how tender the mercenary was with Kami, Especially as he observed her on the video feed coaxing the younger mech into a calm, for Kamikaze anyways, state. Many a crew member had gotten caught in her gears before and for far less dangerous stunts. He had just tried to shoot the ship's head of security after all, regardless of harmless payload. But she did not yell at the mech, only gave a small embrace with soft spoken words. He was sure she was sitting outside the office as she had the previous times. 

The whole event really was an oddity, considering he had no records of any real interaction between Kamikaze and Red Alert. Nothing that would send the mech into a rip roaring torrent of terror and fear such as he observed. Even the mech's gruffness with his frame-sake was a dull simmer to this boiling kettle of fear. As he looked back over to Kami, he raised an eyebrow at his choice in construction. Once again Kamikaze was deviating, though to be fair Rung never said his patients had to follow the instructions.

“What... it looks interesting this way?” Kamikaze questioned as he noticed Rung's gaze. “I don't know what you want me to say Doc.” He had assembled the engines into the wings instead of the back of the ship, reminding Rung of a ship he saw on Cavalier's 'Anime Night' over at Swerve. “Can't explain what I don't understand. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.” He added softly, before turning his attention back to the model.

“I'm not here to judge you Kamikaze... I'm fairly certain you would be surprised to find out what I do and don't believe.” Rung replied, writing more notes on his data-pad. There were those word choices he had noticed in previous sessions again. 'Interesting'. 'Understand'. He had used those words often enough in their counseling sessions that Rung decided to press on with the issues. “Isn't the original form interesting in itself? He asked cautiously.

“...Eh. For now.” Kami responded in a low tone, trying not to show his frustration. “But it'll get boring eventually. People need something interesting, something to keep their attention. At least that's the case around here. No one left Cybertron in hopes of a nice calm safe cruise. We're all looking for something.” He paused for a moment before adding. “Or running from something....” It may have been a trick of the light, but Rung swore for a moment his patient's optics grew black and dead for a moment. 

“And are you running from something?” He asked in a cautiously sympathetic tone. “I merely ask Kami as it's a curious thing to mention now. You mention that interesting things keeps other's attention... but wouldn't that be the opposite of what one on the run would want?” 

“... People only care about what they really notice. Once they forget about it, it's good as gone these days. I've seen it, a part of me has lived it... left for the bugs to eat and take what they want, leaving a disheveled shell of a mech. At least the fleshy in my head had it lucky. He was dead before Brainy had his way with my shell. The other one wasn't so lucky.” His eyes are definitely black now as is his tone. Rung raised hie eyebrow at this but let the car-former continue. 

This was the closest thing he had to coherence in a long while when it came to Kamikaze's extra memories. Usually they came in flashes or bursts, before the young mech was left confused and aimless. He had to let him speak if he was going to be able to help his patient.

“Even when you think there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Even when you think you see a friend, at the end of the day the bugs have done their job. Agents of death and destruction. The ultimate recyclers. They'd have taken what they wanted and left nothing but scraps that no one wants to let suffer to live.” Kamikaze had stopped building by this point, having set down the kit and was now staring at it while he wrung his digits together. 

“All that's left is for the blackhorned devil of a mech before to pull the plug on you. Feel the cold dark numbness of spark death cling to you even as you're screaming inside your own head, wanting to -live-. That you could deal with whatever was lost if only you were given a chance to prove you could be something.” Rung noticed Kamikaze looked confused again, even as the color returned to his optics.

“ That you aren't nothing but scrap sitting the back of your creator's workshop... some project to be poked and prodded until he gets bored. They assume you're ready, good enough to send out onto the field. But you can never really be ready for combat, can you? The technology is new.” He rubs his head in confusion, gripping it with both sides of his hand and shifting it around as if he was adjusting it.

“Nothing's entirely wiped clean. You try to fight, but the devil's there. You remember a name. You remember a side that they swiped you from. These were your friends, but you can't stop fighting. It's all muscle memory until the swift snap of neural cables and your body goes flatline. Just like your partner.” Kamikaze frowns in confusion, pulling off his head and moving it to face himself. Rung winced at the sight, unsure of exactly WHY Brainstorm had installed this function.

“...but that's just the thing Rung? What partner? I've read up on where my shell came from. It feels like I should remember more. A lot more then even what everyone else knows about me around her. That I know people on the ship, that they should know me. That they should recognize me, but then they don't.” He sounded on the verge of drinking, which was not good in the young mech's state.

“Kamikaze... I emphasize with you. It can be daunting to be forgotten, to feel unimportant. But you won't be forgotten on this ship. You have people who care about you.” Rung responded, placing a hand on his shoulder. “And you're more then one of Brainstorm's inventions. You are a person, an individual who is every bit unique as any other. You matter, no matter what your coder seems to think. And don't think I won't have words with him.”

Kamikaze nodded in response as he reattached his head. “I know, it just... it's hard. I'm not like anyone here... I remember more about being human then ever being a cybertronian. The holo-avatars are close, but... well. I can't exactly use one anymore.” Rung nodded sympathetically in response. Kamikaze was originally cleared for a holo-matter avatar, but something in the software glitched. Or rather that was what Brainstorm had claimed. 

Anything was better then admitting his sparkling saw itself as an undead abomination. “Horror Night” at Swerves was less unnerving then the mess of tissue and artificial cybernetic tissue that had been his avatar. Even Artemis was taken back by the sight... though now that he thought about it, that was around when Artemis had amped up her mothering of the younger mech. Internally he frowned, noting he needed to have a conversation with her when this was done. 

“I understand Kamikaze. I'll prescribe rest for the next megacycle or so. You're calm now... let's keep it that way for a bit, yes?” He responded with a small smile, patting his patient's shoulder again. He was surprised by the sudden pull into a hug by the younger mech, but took it in stride as he patted his back. “I'm always here to talk.”

Kamikaze nodded as he let go and headed for the door. As it opened, he was surprised by the presence of his hab-quarters mate. “Spinout.” He responded quietly, tilting his head slightly. “Everything ok?”

Spinout shrugged in response. “I was about to ask you the same. I heard about what happened... Wanted to make sure you were alright.” He managed to rub the back of his head with one hand and an embarrassed expression. “...you are ok, right? I mean, I've got some time if you want a bodyguard.” The offer was amusing in retrospect considering spinout's panicky nature. 

Kamikaze looked back to Rung who nodded in Spinout's direction thoughtfully. Rung couldn't help but be thankful to the maker that someone had so prudently proven his point to his charge so quickly. Kamikaze smiled and turned back to his hab-mate. “I'm good, but I don't mind the company amigo.” He held out a knuckle which the Heavy knuckle bumped back as they headed down the corridor.

Artemis peaked her head inside after they left. “Final diagnosis Rung?” She asked cautiously, even as she entered the room. Noting Rung's focus on herself, she closed the door and took a seat at the chair. He noted that she seemed cautious, on guard at the moment. There was something she wasn't telling him... or maybe it was something she wasn't Kamikaze.

“I'm worried that I can only do so much for him Artemis. It would be one thing if he was a soldier or a MTO... but his points of reference can be so beyond what we are used to as a species, let alone our experiences. I've limited data on what happened to him out there, but there seems to be more that he doesn't remember.” He pauses for a moment, considering his words carefully. “He does seem to think other members should though... he mentioned a Partner?”

Artemis was silent for a moment before rubbing her face. “He did have a partner once... worst case of Primus Apotheosis I'd ever seen.” She explained, suddenly sounding very old in her distain for this conversation. 

Rung raised an eyebrow at this. “He worked with the wreckers?” He asked cautiously, not wanting to put names to who he thought she was speaking of. Patient confidentiality after all. 

Artemis shook her head in response. “No, I mean, it had to be a form of it, just... you're thinking too literally Rung. What kind of person would get under my hoodplate like that?" She asked as she crossed her arms in front of herself.

Rung thought about it for a moment before his optics widened.”... oh dear.” Artemis nodded in response. “He tried to emulate you?” This was starting to make sense now, at least a little bit. Artemis for all her loner status had a tendency to form bonds. It was what made her stint as a covert decepticon agent so had. She got to know people, like people. But there was something missing. “He's no longer with us I take it.”

“Hasn't been for a while... not since I was stationed in Autobot City. Head blown off in mid-quip, right in the midst of turning the tide. We didn't realize the body was cold until cycles later, when the fighting was finished.” She frowns in response. “I buried enough friends... .greased some palms with a few shanix, wanted him off the field. Felt that he was only in danger with us without Speedsta.” She paused for a moment, laughing sardonically. “Was up for binary bonding too, if they had lasted longer.”

Rung nodded in response. “His holo-avatar... you recognized it. It wasn't your fault Artemis. You couldn't have controlled what the humans had done to him. You were trying to keep him safe.” She just tilted her head to the side, raising one eyebrow. He realized his mistake a moment later before adding. “You -are- keeping him safe. He's not ready for this, as much as I would like to say otherwise. We still need to help him work out who he is now before we can tell him who he was.”

“Mm... you're right Rung. But we're all kind of working out where we are now.” Artemis responded with a thoughtful nod. “I can keep a secret if you can.” He nodded in response. It was really all they could do at the moment. Same as everyone else... they were helping each other live.


End file.
